Your Duck is Dead - Joke

Your Duck is Dead-- 

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary 
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's
chest. 

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away." 

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" 
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the 
vet.. 

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean
you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something." 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the 
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head. 

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room. 

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck." 

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys 
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. 
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"
she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The
vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

Funny Video for You

Call it my "Dark Side", but sometimes I laugh at other people's misfortune.  I found this great YouTube video called, "BEST funny accidents!" and I wanted to share it with you.  It is a compilation of video clips, bloopers and funnies set to music and some of the clips are older and I've seen them before (years ago) and some are classics that we still have circulating today.  Some I had never seen before.  I don't care for the scenes where it looks like there's a big chance of injury, but I am assuming all these people and animals in this video were okay and did not suffer serious injury.  I was laughing out loud at some parts. 



If you are having trouble seeing this, go to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoCqvnJFUUA&has_verified=1

Schadenfreude is a German word  and it means "pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others". This German word is used as a loanword in English and some other languages (English doesn't have a word like this).  I believe that most of us get nervous or upset when we see someone else get hurt, so our knee-jerk reaction to it is to laugh.  Remember, it's okay to laugh WITH people, not AT them.

Have a great day, and please, don't get hurt!

~ Angela Gentile

Rapping with Dad Life

I found this great video called "Dad Life" on CNN, and wanted to share it with you for Friday Lite.  It's a great rap song, and it's a tribute to Dad's everywhere.  I can see glimpses of my husband and other fathers I know as they barbecue on the grill and watch movies with the kids.  It has ornamental turtles, minivans, splash parks, riding lawn mowers and much more.  It made me smile, so I hope you enjoy, too.

Go to this link on YouTube to see "Dad Life" (2:54):  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOKuSQIJlog

Have a great day!

~ Angela Gentile

Symptoms of Inner Peace

Symptoms of Inner Peace


Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.


Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

A loss of interest in judging other people.

A loss of interest in judging self.

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

A loss of interest in conflict.

A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

Frequent attacks of smiling.

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the

uncontrollable urge to extend it.

WARNING: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.


Copyright © 1984 Saskia Davis. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. For permission to republish, contact Saskia at http://www.symptomsofinnerpeace.net/.  There you will also find a poster and some background information on SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE.

Funny Ways to Order a Pizza

For Friday Lite this week, I came across this funny site, called, "60 Ways to Order a Pizza" at "The Jokes Place".  I love pizza, and I started laughing out loud as I read it.  I have to share with you some of the funny ways to order pizza that made me laugh.  I think I can relate to this for a few reasons.  One of my first jobs was at a pizza restaurant, and I often took the calls for pick up and delivery orders.  I could imagine myself, as a young teenager, receiving these calls. Secondly, I think we all have ordered pizza at one time or another, and as I read through the list I could just imagine certain people I know saying these things for a laugh or two.  Hope you enjoy this list as much as I did.

• If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
• Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
• Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
• Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
• Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
• In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
• Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
• Ask what the order taker is wearing.
• Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
• Change your accent every three seconds.
• If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
• Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
• Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
• Imitate the order taker's voice.
• Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
• Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"
• Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
• Be vague in your order.
• Order a steamed pizza.
• If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."

To see the entire list, go to this website: http://www.jokesplace.com/joke/pizza60.html

Hope you have a laughter-filled day!

~ Angela Gentile

Einstein - The World's Smartest Bird

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers


I was looking for something for Friday Lite this week, and I came across this video about a talking parrot named Einstein.  I used to have budgies when I was young, and we also had a cockatiel when my kids were little.  I remember trying to get our cockatiel "Scotty" to talk, and he was able to copy some of our sounds. He even learned how to copy the noise the microwave makes when it is done. He used to whistle at me when I walked down the stairs. I love birds, and I found this video on "Einstein the Parrot".  There are a number of videos on YouTube about Einstein, and I found this video to be really entertaining.   I hope you enjoy watching Einstein.  It is a funny and entertaining three minutes.

Click here or go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1FtvS4ORwI&feature=related to see Einstein the Parrot performing on Animal Planet.

Have a great day!

~ Angela Gentile

10 Quick and Easy Ways to Lose Weight

For Friday Lite, I thought I'd share some quick and easy tips for how you can easily lose a few pounds.  Here's my top ten:

1.  LMAO (laugh my ass off) is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters.

2.  When eating donuts - only eat the center part.

3.  Eat that prime rib roast with a straw.

4.  Ladies - drop 5 lbs. instantly! Let go of your purse.

5.  Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC.

6.  Remove the wheels from your grocery cart.

7.  Use Superglue as lip gloss.

8.  Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale.

9.  Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy.

10.  Eat your food with one chopstick.

From Laugh Away Calories.  

Remember, "The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat." - Unknown


Ciao!

~ Angela Gentile

It's Great to be Canadian, Eh?

Isn't it great?  I found this joke for Friday Lite.  Hope you enjoy!


A Canadian Tale


Once upon a time the Canadian Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of nowhere. The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person (bilingual, naturally) for the job. Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write the job description and one person to do time studies.

Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people; one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more people to assist.

Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary.

Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one year and we are $18,000 over budget; we must cutback our overall costs."

So they laid off the night watchman.


From Knight's Canadian Info Collection Presents Canadian...isms.  Check out their website for more Canadian...isms.
 
Cheers!
 
~ Angela Gentile

Funny Pictures for You

For Friday Lite today, I found a few funny pictures that made me laugh. 

Hope you find them amusing, too!

Have a fun Friday!

~ Angela

Heart In the Clouds

For Friday Lite, here's a picture I took the other day. 

The heart-shape in the sky was gone in an instant. 

Just enough time to grab my camera, point, and "click".

A gift from Mother Nature

"Nature is painting for us,

day after day,

 pictures of infinite beauty,

 if only we have the eyes to see them."

 ~ John Ruskin

Have a wonderful day!

~Angela ♥

It Pays to be Old (Joke)

Humour is important in our busy, stressful lives.  It helps us lighten-up.  I found this joke for "Friday Lite" and I thought you may find it amusing.  Enjoy!



No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.


An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had
moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared where Andy had carved, "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet.
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money: Fifty-thousand dollars!  Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door.

"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No." 

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.  One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ."

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."


Adapted from:  http://www.danggoodjokes.com/to-be-old/


Have a great day!

~Angela ☺

A Great Wedding Entrance

Here is my favourite wedding entrance of all time.  I can watch this over and over again.  Great job!




Check out On the Bright Side Vlog YouTube Channel for more of my favourites.

Have a fantastic day!

~Angela

Heart-Shaped Peanut M&M

My son found this heart-shaped peanut M&M in the candy bag.
It just happened to be red.
 ♥ He gave it to me. ♥

Have a sweet, wonderful day!

~Angela

I'd Pick More Daisies

Photo by Shelby Holden

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who live sensibly
and sanely hour after hour, day after day.

Oh, I've had my moments,
And if I had it to do over again,
I'd have more of them.
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.

If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.

Nadine Stair, 85 years old.

Friday Lite - Smile for You!

I just love this one!  Have a great day!

~Angela ♥

Coming soon: Friday Lite

I enjoy writing posts every day, however, I often come across witty, inspiring, or funny quotes, poems, pictures or forms of media created by others that I would like to share with you on my site, "On the Bright Side".  Fridays will be reserved for those little gems I find along the way.  It will be a great way to kick-off the weekend.

Watch for my first "Friday Lite" post on Friday, May 7, 2010.  Suggestions always welcome!

Have a great week!
~Angela