Age Jokes

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction. 

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live. 

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true?   Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt...." 

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant. 

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses. 

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out. 

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. 

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem....Retrieving it is the problem. 

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. 

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads. 

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!" 

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? 

(Thanks to my husband for emailing these jokes!)

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No wait... sorry...

I'm thinking of wine.  It's wine that does all that...

Never mind.

Be careful what you wish for... (JOKE)

A 65-year-old couple is driving to their 40th wedding anniversary.

During the celebration a fairy appeared!  "Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish."

The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the world."

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn.

He paused for a moment, then said, "I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and POOF! He was 95...



Have a great day!

Angela G. Gentile

An Elderly Man is Stopped by the Police (JOKE)

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "My wife."


(Photo and joke source:  http://www.mikecornelison.com/an-elderly-man-is-stopped-by-the-police-around-2-a-m)

My Great Weekend (Joke)

A balding, white-haired man from Chebacco Lake, Florida walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweler said.

The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!"

See.......with age comes wisdom.  ☺

A Blonde and Her Horse

A 30-year-old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time.

With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. 

It gallops long at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.  In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. 

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.  Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... 

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

☺ 

Angela Gentile

www.AngelaGGentile.com